Lady Bug, Lady Bug, Fly away home

This morning my soon to be 4 year old daughter proudly brought me some examples of her art work. ..... a page filled with Lady Bugs. I was quite impressed and told her so.

" Katy" I said, "That is wonderful work. I would have expected it from a six year old but not a girl your age."

Katy looked at me proudly as my wife looked up and pointed to herself indicating that she, not Katy, did the drawings.

Somehow, she missed the humor and I decided post rather than laugh.

Laughs for Lawyers

WARNING


While anyone will find this funny (in the right mood), trial lawyers may wet their pants.

Thank Heaven for little girls

Thank heaven for little girls for little girls get bigger every day!
Thank heaven for little girls they grow up in the most delightful way!
Those little eyes so helpless and appealing one day will flash and send you crashin'
thru the ceilin'
Thank heaven for little girls thank heaven for them all, no
matter where no matter who
for without them, what would little boys do?
Thank heaven... thank heaven...Thank heaven for little girls!

His heavy French accent, his melodic voice and his charm made Maurice Chevalier the prototype of the galant French monsieur in the American cinema of the thirties.

1958 ------- > 2004

These are only pictures of the "high risk" sex offenders, not all of the registered sex offenders.


San Diego County Sheriff's Office now lists their "High Risk Sex Offenders" (multiple sex convictions) on the Internet for public viewing.

Harsh Tactics?

David Sheffer, a senior State Department human rights official in the Clinton
administration who teaches law at George Washington University, said the
procedure of shackling prisoners to the floor in a state of undress while
playing loud music - the Guantánamo sources said it included the bands Limp
Bizkit and Rage Against the Machine, and the rapper Eminem - and lights clearly
constituted torture. "I don't think there's any question that treatment of that
character satisfies the severe pain and suffering requirement, be it physical or
mental, that is provided for in the Convention Against Torture,'' Mr. Sheffer
said.

Kill the lights and many teens would consider this a good date.

Apple vs. Microsoft

I know feelings run deep here but I had no idea how deep.

I just received an e-mail from one of my friends in the Apple Camp passing along two not very flattering clips of Steve Ballmer addressing the Microsoft troops.

But the way they then edited them together into a fantasy IPOD ad is wonderful to behold.

Enjoy all three.....

BlogImplosion

I am thinking of ways to get even with those Blogexplosion people who as you may already know, banned me (for the time being) from their program.

Perhaps I will come out with a competitive product - a Blogimplosion cannibalizing product that will essentially suck all links out of boring blogs leaving them quarantined in cyber space, alone and forever unread.

That should eliminate 87% of their business.

Banned by BlogExplosion

Since I basically am following in Anita's Footsteps, I submitted an application to Blog Explosion so I could get trial readership just like she is getting.... but alas, it is not to be.

I received the following e-mail from them today:

We have reviewed your blog and due to excessive profanity cannot be accepted at
this time. Our apologies
Sincerly,
BlogExplosion Team
http://www.blogexplosion.com/
Contact
us here:
http://www.blogexplosion.com/contact/

So the team met and decided that I was profane.

I guess I can live with that decision. But it hurts.

Still, I live in hope. It was not a flat rejection. Just "at this time"

Perhaps someday, shit will not be consider a profane word, the status it enjoyed for many centuries in England..... before those fucking pilgrims got a hold of things..

Bastards....

Gag me with a large wooden spoon!

4 Steps to Filling the Seats at Your Next Client Event


This news letter is designed to give financial advisors help in building their business.

I was taken with the phony ticket scam to create perceived value.

Way to build a trusting relationship with your most valuable clients... you go guys!

Manifesting your life

So I am feeling a little badly about my post on bad elderly drivers because it not funny and not "on topic" ; i.e., shit so unusual, you just can't make it up.


It really does not belong here.

But since this is my only creative outlet, and I am passionate about grounding the geezers, I let it slide.

So you can image my sense of wonder when, on the way to work today, I spy a 91 year old client of mine (who I strongly suspect would fail the test I am pushing for) driving along at about 5 MPH looking quite distressed. I am waiting to pull out on the street from an ally and watch patiently as he goes by and takes a U turn right in front of me.

Right behind him is a motorcycle police officer, who proceeds to dismount and approach my client who is now pulled over on the side of the road.

The officer sees me watching and waves me to proceed as he asks my client for his license and registration.

I roll down my window. " Hi Nick " I greet my client for whom I have a genuine respect and affection.

" He is a good guy, officer", I add.

The officer nods his acknowledgement of my comment and I drive on to work.

I ask you. Coincidence or manifestation?

Are the odds of this happening more likely then that this is true?

Either way, you just can't make this shit up.

Drivers, who no longer should

I think everyone can agree that as we grow older, things start to come apart both mentally and physically.

Not true for every single person but in general this is undeniable.

It is also the case that driving a 3,000 pound SUV or car requires some minimal level of vision, hand/eye coordination, reaction time, and judgment.

In the hands of persons lacking in one or more of these requirements, the vehicle can become a deadly weapon.

So why don't we have a systematic method for weeding out dangerous drivers who have lost their ability to drive safely?

It is not that hard.

Starting a 60, have them come into DMV and sit in a simulator that will objectively measure their driving performance.

Like a video game with a steering wheel and two pedals for braking and acceleration.

Let the geezer get use to the situation for a few minutes and then .....Start measuring.

It you pass and the vast majority will, off you go until your 65, then 70, 72,74,76,77,78,etc.

If you fail you can try again another day...Once.

If you fail again, your done! Turn in your keys. Hire a driver. Impose on your kids. Take a bus or a cab.

I know this will create social issues that need to be addressed. Address them.

Just please get these "dievers" off the road.

Proper Gum Care

Trust me.

There will come a time in your dental life where concern for teeth is trumped by gum worries.

Yesterday's visit to my wonderful hygenist was typical of my 4x per year appointment:

Inspection
Charting ( 4 on #19 lingual, bleeder)
Cleaning
Polishing
Advice

The advice I am sure is sound....

Brush with Sonicare 4 minutes
Clean with WaterPik 2 minutes
Floss 1 minute
xmas tree Proxabrush 1 minute
wood Stim-U-Dents 1 minute

Who has 10 minute a day to spend on their gums??

I don't believe I get to talk to my wife for that long .....except on date night.

Has anyone added up the total time it takes to do everything right in your life??

I bet not.......Who would have the time to do that??

Password Protection, my ass

What the hell is going on in the arcane world of password protection?

Use to be I could remember my password and no one could ever guess it.

Then came the " new password " regime that insists I change my password every month or two. Can't reuse old passwords either.

Then each department figures that you needed a unique password to access their stuff.
I am now beyond my memory limits so I assign my password management to my assistant who prompts me from a ( hopefully secret) file.

Now the folks in password protection have gotten very particular about what passwords are acceptable. Must be 7 or 8 characters. Must have CAPITAL and small letters and some use of numbers.

Here is one that I find I can remember:

Fuckyou2

Goat Boy

With all the fixing up we have been doing on our house , it is a blessing that we have connected with a handyman who does wonderful work at reasonable prices.

One of our very best friends shared him with us.

She did warn us that he came off as a bit eccentric in no small part due to his unusual laugh .

While my wife and I were prepared, we forgot to tip off our six year old.

In the middle of our first meeting, J lets out a raucous guffaw.

I hear my son from the other room approaching,

" What was that noise?"

I sus out the situation and intercept him in the hallway as he exclaims,

" What is going on here?
Is everyone turning into a goat or what?"

Oops!

Paying back the House

I read somewhere that you should expect to spend 1% of the value of you house every year on maintainance. And if you miss a year, it carries forward so you get to spend 2% the next year.

Not sure if that is based on original or replacement value but I figure I owe mine somewhere between $60,000 and $120,000, and that does not include back interest.

For reasons that are a bit hazy to me, my wife has become the agent for our house, demanding and receiving substantial sums that apparently are in arrears.

Did you know this is no longer considered spending ?

It is now Investing in your house.

Mexed Missages

Let me start by saying I will be voting for Bush.

But I can sure understand why his opponents think he is "slow"

You can't get in front of xxx million people and suggest that your opponent will not be an effective leader because he gives out Mexed Missages.

YOU JUST CAN'T DO IT!

If I did not value humor more than politics, I would be crying instead of laughing.